There’s been a lot of attention focused in social media on toxic
masculinity.
Besides the commentary from the usual suspects, typically people
who display toxic levels of masculinity or people who seek to combat it, where
do we draw the line between simply being masculine and expressing masculinity
in a toxic way?
Before anyone makes the mistake of thinking that a criticism of
toxic masculinity is an attack on men or on masculinity in general, it’s useful
to define toxic masculinity and to delineate clearly between its extreme and
what simple masculinity is. According to a definition from The Good Men
Project, toxic masculinity is a narrow and repressive description of manhood,
designating manhood as defined by violence, sex, status and aggression. It’s
the cultural ideal of manliness, where strength is everything while emotions are
a weakness; where sex and brutality are yardsticks by which men are measured,
while supposedly “feminine” traits—which can range from emotional vulnerability
to simply not being hypersexual—are the means by which your status as “man” can
be taken away.
Teaching Tolerance Magazine, the source which attributed the
definition in a piece on toxic masculinity quickly asserted that using that
definition or attacking toxic masculinity was not an attack on men or on
masculinity. In fact, the article “ʻWhat We Mean When We Say, Toxic
Masculinity’,” written by Colleen Clemens, an associate professor of
non-Western literatures and director of women's and gender studies at Kutztown
University in Pennsylvania, emphasized the point that the conversation about toxic
masculinity was started by men. It referenced a TED talk by Jackson Katz on the
subject, which it credited with helping to start the conversation about toxic
masculinity.
What makes a brand of masculinity toxic and another brand not? The
definition provided by The Good Men Project is a great start. A recent tweet by
Scarborough Centre (Ontario) politician Fawzi Bidawi made the ridiculous
assertion that “Modern day feminism is an attack on men.” In order to
unpack the inherent toxic masculinity of Bidawi’s statement, let’s start by
defining feminism. Google’s definition calls feminism “the advocacy of
women’s rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes.”
Long story short: Feminism is an ideology that women have – or
should have – equality under the law. Women should be able to make their own
decisions about their lives, from whether or not to have children to which
career they should pursue, or whether they should pursue a career at all.
In response to Bidawi, I wrote, “[t]oxic masculinity is an attack
on everyone, including men.” In an effort to expand on a simple nine-word
rejoinder, the fact that so many people have discussed violence in the form of
mass shooters or even mass stabbings through the lens of mental health, while a
few people have pointed out that the overwhelming majority of mass shootings
have been by white men alone should cause us to examine carefully why, for
instance, a black woman hasn’t committed a mass shooting at least as of writing
this.
Is there a link between shootings and toxic masculinity? I don’t
have the resources on hand to study such a link, and with the Centers for
Disease Control barred from
researching gun violence since 1996, we may never know with complete certainty
until or unless the Dickey Amendment were repealed. However, a major element of
toxic masculinity has already been broached here. Talk of “being a man” and
squelching feelings because men aren’t supposed to express them plays a
dangerous role in the socialization of men.
Ridiculing a man for crying, for instance, sets a precedent that a
man isn’t allowed the same emotional outlets women are permitted as a matter of
course. However, another troubling element of that lack of emotional support
includes dismissing women as “too emotional,” although we saw then-Supreme
Court nominee Brett Cavanaugh melt down when confronted about potentially
sexually assaulting Christine Blasey-Ford during his confirmation hearings in
the Senate.
Suicide, particularly among LGBTQIA+ youth has garnered a lot of
attention in recent years, and with the National Center for
Health Statistics reporting an overall 5 percent increase in the United States in
suicides from 2014 to 2016, it’s clear that suicide is a massive problem in
general. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention also noted that men are
roughly 3.5 times more likely to commit suicide than women and white males accounted
for 7 out of 10 suicides in 2016.
Relating the above statistics to toxic masculinity may be a
stretch to some people who are skeptical about the mere existence
of “toxic” masculinity, but if the stigmas against seeking emotional
support didn’t exist and men were taught to seek emotional support when they
needed it, we’d all be in a much better place.
Men being socialized to avoid seeking emotional support, in
particular from other men, may not play the linchpin role in all of society’s
ills, but it’s long past time for us all to start creating a more compassionate
world for all of us.
