There are some losses that just take more out of you than others.
Stuart Scott's death after a courageous battle with cancer at age 49 is one of those losses.
Some of my friends essentially grew up watching Scott rattle off catch phrases such as "booyah!" and "as cool as the other side of the pillow. I was already in my early 20s when he made his debut on ESPN, so I didn't get the same chance as my younger friends did.
I may not have always connected with some of his catch phrases, but I did connect with his inspirational battle with cancer. As a cancer survivor myself, I rooted for him to beat the disease.
When most of us think of beating a disease, we think of eradicating its existence from our bodies. We think of living decades beyond a diagnosis. We think of succumbing only to the ravages of old age.
Scott reminded us all that merely beating a diagnosis or sending diseased cells away from your body alone doesn't mean you beat cancer. Last July, when he gave a speech at the ESPY Awards, he explained what it truly means to beat cancer and other diseases like it.
"When you die, it does not mean that you lose to cancer," he said in words that take on a whole new meaning now. "You beat cancer by how you live, why you live, and in the manner in which you live."
In 2006, I was in my first year as the managing editor of The Prince George's Sentinel, a weekly newspaper in Maryland. In November of that year, I was diagnosed with testicular cancer. In the days leading up to the surgery and then the doctor's appointment where I found out what type of cancer it was, the fear and the uncertainty held a vise-like grip over me. Realizing that I could be battling for my life was a scary thought for someone who was still in his early 30's.
I was fortunate. The cancer I had was a seminoma. Long story short: It was the best possible outcome other than not having cancer at all. I found out on Dec. 1 that year that all the markers after my surgery came back normal, meaning the cancer did not metastasize. I went through single-dose chemotherapy, and just a day or so later, had a conversation with a friend who told me I'd never seemed more alive that I was at that moment.
Normally, I'm a very private person and wouldn't think to share my demons with others. I went public with my cancer battle. I wanted people to learn my story and possibly save their lives by going to the doctor. I don't consider myself in the same category of Scott or Lance Armstrong, who also survived testicular cancer. But I am grateful that I'm still among the living.
As painful as it is to write a tribute to someone who has left this world far too soon, I do so with Fleetwood Mac's "Beautiful Child" playing in my head. It's a tiny sliver of comfort in an hour of loss.
Goodbye, Stuart. You truly were "as cool as the other side of the pillow." And now, you will always be that way.
